Wednesday, October 5
observe me
Yesterday, I went to Farhan's class which is just next door, to ask for some help because I'm having difficulties with my work. A few minutes later, Shahid came to the class to talk to Lina and Angie. "Hurray".
From where I was sitting I can hear his voice. It's been a long time since I heard his voice. I've missed it. I don't dare to turn and look at him because I'll end up staring. I don't dare to be quiet because I''ll be able to hear his voice clearly. He was just there and I cannot have him. My heart breaks even more.
I didn't know how was I gonna go back to my class without looking at him. So I had to walk the long way. I felt stupid doing it but it's for my sake. I have to.
I could not concentrate on my work after that. I felt someone put his hands into my body and crush my heart. I felt someone poking my heart till it bleeds. It won't stop bleeding. It's so painful. I went out of my class. I had to. I knew that I'm gonna cry. I met Chong Ming on the way to my "hiding" place. He was comforting me. Thanks Chong Ming.
Dear God,
Please help me face him strongly. I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready to see him that regularly. I don't know how to survive in school. I'm so scared. I have so many things to tell him but I couldn't. I'm to scared to find out his respond. What will he say to me? I don't think I can take it if he's gonna spit horrible stuff into my face. Please help me. I'm begging
Love,
Marina
